FRAMESHOP:FRAMESHOP: THE 'WAR ON TERROR' MADE ME DO IT

In the wake of revelations that President Bush ordered his secret police to spy on Americans, Senators from both Parties are crying foul, judges are resigning in protest, and the media is discussing the 'ifs' and 'whens' of impeachment.  But what is the President saying amidst all this hullabaloo?

"The 'War on Terror' made me do it."

Well...if this excuse works so well to justify the willful disposal of The United States Constitution, I wonder what else it could justify?

Here is my list of some potential personal pickles that could be resolved by using President Bush's favorite excuse.  Now, keep in mind that the trick with this technique is not to apologize--never, ever apologize.  We admit that we broke the rule or law, then explain in simple terms why:

Yes, officer, I was driving 75 MPH in a 25 MPH zone during school hours.  And I would do it again.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I did look at my neighbor's answers during the history exam.  And so long as I am in the 5th grade, I would do it again.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I rifled through your records, stole your ATM card and PIN and withdrew $250 from your checking account at least 30 times in the past four years.  And I would do it again, since it is my number one responsibility to protect my CD-Collection.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I walked out of the store wearing a pair of pants and a shirt that I had not paid for, with stolen earrings and a watch tucked in my purse. And as long as it is Christmas season, I would do it again.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I did finish the chocolate brownies that you made for our daughter's open house at school.  And as long as I am father of my daughter, I would eat them again.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes I did order my employees to break into your email files, take your personal credit card information and give it to Robert Nugabi Gawanzi, cousin of the former Chief of the Federal Bank of the fallen African Republic of Zoozwabi.  And as long as Mr. Gawanzi is seeking a business partner with whom to share $5,000,000,0000,000, I would do it again. The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I did knowingly call and say that I was working late when I was in fact drinking with my office buddies at a bar in Hoboken.  And as long as we are married, I will continue to lie about my after work social life.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

Yes, I did chew up the throw pillows on the living room couch while you were at work. And as long as I am the pet dog in this house, I will continue to do so.  The 'War on Terror' made me do it.

It is an amazing excuse for just about anything we want to do that violates current rules or laws.  Just do what we want to do, then blame it on the war on terror.

Besides...you never liked those throw pillows--or The Constitution--anyway. 

©  2005 Jeffrey Feldman